FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:
Cupertino, California--May 4, 2018--Apple® has unveiled a developer preview release of the next incarnation of their popular operating system OS X code-named "Persian Kitty." The release comes ahead of schedule and includes a bevy of new features ported from their iOS such as lick gestures and scratch 'n sniff.
"We're beyond excited about the new features," said Apple CEO Tim Cook. "We're putting the finishing touches on a journal app that not only looks like moldy old paper, it smells like it, too!"
The new operating system is targeted for official release in September at a retail price of $159, though its moniker at this point is still a matter of contention. "We're not completely sold on the Persian Kitty name," added Cook, "but we're running out of cats."
As with all new releases, users of certain hardware, i.e. Macs made before 2017, will be unsupported* and must upgrade. In addition, this release marks the end of several legacy technologies such as the Finder, menus, and preferences. Login will be disabled without a credit card number.
Apple designs Macs, the most bestest computers in the world, along with OS X, iMWatchingYou, iForYourOwnGood, and iMustNotResist. Apple leads the digital music revolution with its credit card swipe iPods, and continues to reinvent everything from phones to toasters to even the hair on your ass. Also, too--iPad.
*Except for only the most condescending of security updates.